ibeachalot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Seven years ago... It's just been crazy around here. I hardly have time to do anything. We've had so much going on. I wanted to post Evan's birth story for his birthday, but never found the time yesterday. We'll see how much of it I can squeeze in before all hell breaks loose... Evan's birthday was the best day of my life and the worst, all in one. I still get a lump in my throat when I think back to this day. It was February 14, 1996. Kevin had just started work at his new job at Integon Insurance. The phones hadn't yet been installed, so he didn't want to leave me at home alone without a way to get ahold of him, so I had been going to work with him and he had only been staying half days. That morning, we tried a little... uh, "trick" we had heard to induce labor. I'm sure most of you know the trick about which I speak. We showered and hung around the house for awhile. Kevin went up the street to Sonic for lunch. I would regret that Sonic burger later in the day... We went to Kevin's office around 2:30pm. As soon as I shut the front door behind me, I felt a stomach cramp. I figured it was that damn Sonic. Why did Kevin feed me that shit anyway? We got into my new '96 Saturn and drove to Kevin's office in Westport. I continued to have cramps. Kevin did a few things around the building, while I rested on the couch in his office. I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom. It finally occured to me... could I be in labor? I told Kevin we needed to go to the hospital. Now, five days earlier, I had already been to the hospital in false labor. They sent me home and I felt like an ass. I guess Kevin thought it was another false alarm, because he didn't seem to take me seriously. Finally, we agreed we should head to the hospital. By this time, it was 5:30pm, which is... anyone know? Anyone? YES! That's right! Rush hour! We were stuck on the highway doing three miles an hour. By this time, I was in active labor and total agony. We got to the hospital, finally, and they wheeled me to an LDR suite. They determined I was already 7cm! I had done the majority of laboring in the car. They tried to convince me my blood pressure was elevated. They gave me an IV for the blood pressure, which stopped labor in its tracks. This, in turn, forced them to offer Pitocin to induce labor. Slam ya one way, then slam ya back the other. Anything to make a buck, I swear. During a lull in laboring, Kevin went upstairs to where our weekly childbirth class was being held. It was our last class and we were due to have a potluck in class that night. Kevin wanted to let them know that we weren't going to be there, because we were upstairs having a baby! Kevin came back and ordered Chinese food for himself (what a pal!) and sat in the room eating food while I dined on ice chips. Fucker. Finally, labor progressed and I was really in pain. I had decided against an epidural, but was bullied into it. It would be the first of three epidurals that I regret completely. It took such an effect, that I was completely numb. I couldn't hold my legs up on my own. I became violently ill and watched my Sonic lunch come back up. Luckily a quick thinking (and probably quite experienced!) nurse was ready with a puke tray. They broke my water and told me it was time to push. I couldn't. The epidural had deemed me useless. Things weren't going well. Finally, my doctor arrived and the first thing he told me was how I had ruined his Valentine's Day dinner with his wife by going into labor when I did. I had already begun to hate this doctor. He was a fat old British guy who a month earlier had yelled at me when I asked him a question about forceps and internal fetal monitors. Too bad he wasn't in the room when I puked, I'd have aimed for him. Because of my inability to push, they were forced to deliver Evan via vacuum extraction and forceps, two things I was vehemently against. I bet it pleased that limey doctor to no end, knowing he could use all this machinery he knew I wanted no part of. Finally, at 11:03pm, Evan was born. They said, "IT'S A BOY!" then there was silence. Dead silence. No voices. And worst of all, no baby crying. I finally heard a nurse say, "Oh my God..." I asked them what was wrong. No one answered. I asked them to let me see him. No one answered. I asked Kevin to call my mom and tell her she had a grandson. White as a ghost, he said, "Ummm... let's wait." They whisked Evan to a table next to my bed. I tried to look over and see him, but a nurse intentionally stepped in the way to block my view. I heard one of the doctors say, "C'mon baby... breathe!" I screamed, "WHAT'S WRONG?!?!" No answer. Soon, they wheeled Evan out of the room. My doctor stitched me up and did a horrible job of it. (My stitches later became infected) He left the room without a word. Before I knew it, Kevin and I were there alone. I cried like I had never cried in my life. After a normal pregnancy and a fairly normal labor, it never occured to me that I might be going home without a baby. Kevin said he needed to get home. "Why?" I wondered. I realize now that he was so upset and worried about Evan that he didn't want me to see him become emotional. I was alone. I was in pain and uncomfortable. And I was scared to death. Nurses would come in to check on me and would only smile when I asked how my little boy was. It was the longest night I ever spent. Finally, in the morning, a nurse came in and asked me if I'd like to see my baby. I lept out of bed like lightning. She wheeled me into the nursery's ICU. I was taken to an incubator-like plastic cage. I saw tubes, wires, lights and electrodes all hooked up to the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Almost twelve hours after his birth, I was finally allowed to see my son. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked exactly like I had fantasized. Smooth pink skin, my nose (poor kid) and a little rosebud mouth. The nurse told me I could touch him if I wanted to. I stuck my hand in through one of the little holes in the cage and felt his little leg. I had never felt anything so soft! I sat and watched him for hours. The nurse tried to get me to go back to bed, but I couldn't take my eyes off my beautiful child. My asshole doctor came in to check on Evan. I asked him then, "Is my baby going to die?" Then I cried. He reassured me and said, "Of course not! If your son wasn't okay, he would be at children's hospital, not here." I was grateful to him for finally telling me something. It made me hate him a little less. I went back to my room and fell asleep smiling. I woke up a little while later to see my friend Sarah standing at my side. She said she saw Evan and agreed that he was beautiful. Just then, a nurse came to the door and asked if I wanted to hold my son. I had looked forward to this! But unfortunately, it wasn't the wonderful, bonding experience I had hoped it would be. Evan had so many wires and lights hooked up to him that I was afraid of hurting him. Holding him felt awkward. The next day, they unhooked him from his wires and let me try to nurse him. By this time, he had already been given bottles in the nursery, so he wanted no part of nursing. I struggled with it for weeks to come. A pediatrician came in and finally explained what had happened to Evan. He had a cerebral hematoma from the vacuum extraction, which gave him a conehead. When the cord was cut, he didn't make the transition to breathing on his own, as most babies do. He turned blue as the sky and it took almost a full minute to revive him. He began to breathe on his own, but had fluid in his lungs. Eventually, the fluid was cleared and he was fine. I'm not convinced that this traumatic birth hasn't played a role in the problems he has now. I've heard of so many babies who were delivered with forceps going on to have problems. So that was seven years ago. It seems like a lifetime ago, but it still hurts like it was yesterday. But all that matters is that Evan is okay. Happy seventh birthday, my beautiful baby! 6:04 a.m. - 2003-02-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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