ibeachalot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life and shit... I'm getting old. I mean... I realize, everyone is, but I'm really starting to feel it. Not only physically, but as a state of mind. Maybe it's because I'm going to become a mother-in-law on November 1st. I could be a grandmother before I turn 40. Maybe it's because I read the Billboard top ten charts and have never even heard of the songs or the artists mentioned. Maybe it's because I realize that when my mother was my age, she had a sixteen year old (me) who thought she was a senile old woman. Or because I'm married to a man who'll turn 50 in two and a half years. 50!! Or because the singers/actors/stars on whom I have harmless (?) crushes are young enough to be my sons. I also realize that my life, for all intents and purposes, is half over! If that! If I live to be 36x2, it'll be a miracle. I don't know why this is on my mind lately. I don't mean to be depressing. I guess I'm going through a "I'm-36-and-what-have-I-accomplished" phase. I never thought I would solely be a housewife/mother. I knew I wanted kids and I knew I wanted to stay home with them, but I always thought I'd be my own person, too. A person with hobbies, interests, activities... I have no time for any of it. I'll never get caught up on my scrapboopking. I'll never finished all the half-begun crafts in my closet. My house will always be half-decorated. All I have time for is laundry, toilet scrubbing and diaper changing. How glamorous and fulfilling. I used to have talents and now I don't even remember what they are. Sorry to be so "uplifting" today. This has been on my mind lately, so it ends up on this diary. Maybe next entry, my outlook will be brighter... 8:11 a.m. - 2003-05-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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