ibeachalot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pee... In my futile attempt to lose weight, I've been drinking alot of water. I hate water. I'm more of a fizzy bubbles, carbonation and flavor kind of girl. Water is a colossal bore. but I drink it because all indications are that it aids in the weight loss process. One of the things I hate about water is how quickly it goes through me. It's to the point where I can stray no further than a few feet from my bathroom if I'm consuming my eight glasses a day. A few days ago, I made the mistake of running errands with my bottle of water. By the time I got the quarter mile from my apartment to Target, I was about to wet myself. I flew through the doors with a toddler in tow, and went straight to the ladies' room. I brought Griffin into the stall with me. While I stood, crouching, looking for the ever-elusive beginning of the toilet paper roll, Griffin had opened the door and exited the stall. There I stood. Pants around my ankles, crouching so as to avoid any contact with the toilet seat and a classic deer-in-the-headlights look on my face, as my comedic two year old exposes my call to nature to the shoppers of St. Charles County. Luckily, he didn't get too far, so I could grab him by the shirt, pull him back into the stall and resume my search for toilet paper without having to chase him through the store with my pants around my knees. A short digression, if I may. The subject is: the absense of ass-gaskets in public toilets. Why? In southern California, every public toilet is equipped with an abundance of them. But not here. Do people here like having the most delicate parts of their anatomy touching the most revolting components possibly found in a public place? I may start carrying my own ass-gaskets. Hell, I may start selling ass-gaskets outside of every public restroom in eastern Missouri. I could make a fortune. Now back to your regularly scheduled entry... The same day that my bare midriff (and more) was exposed to tens of restroom-goers, I was equally as embarrassed at my own apartment complex. I had retrieved Evan from school and had arrived home. Again, I had to piss like a race horse. I quickly got the kids undone from their car seats, gathered my belongings and hurried the kids along. I quietly asked them to move quickly, because I needed to use the bathroom. As usual, they dawdled. More sternly this time, I told them, "Hurry! Mommy has to PEE!" After their fits of giggles, they finally emerged from the car. When Evan stopped to pet the dog of a passer-by, Jameson reminded him, at the top of his little lungs, "Hurry, Evan!! Mom's about to pee her pants!" Throngs of laughter surrounded me. Residents whose presence I had not known, collapsed in fits of laughter. Meanwhile, I ran, with a child under each arm and one by the hand, to my apartment door. I fumbled with my key, the sounds of laughter still lingering in my ears, and finally made it in the house and to the bathroom. Ahhhhh... There is no greater high than finally relieving onself of a full bladder. Except maybe relieving one's uterus of an eight pound baby. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I blew Kevin's surprise. I was so concerened about Kevin discovering the jacket on which I was bidding, that I ended up spilling the beans myself. Kevin works with a guy who used to go to school with Tony. This guy searches ebay for Tony memorabilia. Something told me to contact him and aske him to not alert Kevin to this item, but I didn't. He showed Kevin the jacket auction at work. Kevin told me about it last night. Assuming he recognized my username as the high bidder, I angrily screamed, "Just fucking great! There's your surprise! That asshole!" That's when Kevin informed me he knew nothing about my bidding on the auction. All he had done was look at the picture, he didn't even see who had bid on it, nor did he even know my username. Shit. So I blew the surprise all by my stupid self. I suck! Gotta run. Have a good one! 9:19 a.m. - 2003-09-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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