ibeachalot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BANKS ARE THE DEVIL!! I hate banks. I despise my bank in particular. Rednecks and hillbillies keep their fucking money in a mayonnaise jar buried in their backyard under a cisterne and we make fun of them. They're geniuses. Any plan makes more fiduciary sense than signing money over to people who live large on the fruits of your labor (or in this case, the fruits of our inheritance) and find any way possible to avoid allowing you access to said money. In other words... We deposited a six figure check Friday. As of last night, Tuesday, it is still not accessible to us. Oh, it's accessible to creditors to whom we've written checks. It's accessible to automatic withdrawals. Funny... money can only be credited to an account on a business day, but money can be debited from that same account any Goddamn time - nights, weekends, holidays... I spoke to the bitc, er... lady who works at the bank. She told us that the check will be credited the business day following the deposit. "Wouldn't this have been Saturday?" I ask. "Saturday is not a business day." she replies. Checks can be presented against the account and bounce like basketballs, but checks can't be credited. Of course, Monday was not a business day, being a holiday. What may surprise you, as it did me, is that evidently, Tuesday of this week was not a business day, either!! They were open for business, customers came in and conducted business and for all intents and purposes, it was business as usual. Excepting apparently, the business of crediting money to my account. However... when I called the automated teller line, the compu-man assured me my balance was $_ _ _,_ _ _._ _. Feeling it was safe for me to now purchase some much needed groceries, I head to the store in my purdy new car/truck/SUV with a baby, a sick first-grader and a DVD for said sick first grader to watch while riding. What I failed to bring however... was my purse. Feeling like a complete and total idiot (no comments, please) I drove the four miles back home to retrieve my purse. I drove back to the store and did a rush shopping since Jameson was due to get off the school bus soon. (This is another vent, should I remember to tell of it.) The zit-faced checker tallies up my groceries and gives me my total. I run my debit card through the machine, only to hear that heart-sinking beep. I see the word that about sums up my day scrolling across the screen: I run it through again. No luck. Write a check you say? I say neigh neigh. I'm forbidden from check writing at this particular store because of a check bouncing adventure two years ago. Run across the parking lot to the nearest branch of my theiv, er... I mean bank, and tell them of my dilemma, you say? I say neigh neigh. I have Jameson due to get off the school bus in ten minutes. I have no time. I apologized to zit-face and left the store, as red as a beet, uttering a variety of choice four letter words, most of which began with "F". I did have time to cruise through the ATM before heading home to check my balance. The receipt said: Balance: $_ _ _,_ _ _._ _ Available balance: $ -236.98 I guess that means the cable bill came in! And the water bill! And ... whatever the fuck else I paid. It's the bank's little trick. It's how they can offer free checking - by racking up charges. I quote comedian Tim Wilson: I have a bank in Atlanta that charges me $3 to check my balance. I walked up to the teller and said "How much money is in this account?" She said, "$300. Well, $297." I said, "HOW MUCH?" "$294" That's how banks are... it's legalized theivery! So the six figures we donated to the bank should be available for me to use to buy food for my poor, starving family today at 9:00am. You can bet your ass I'll be obtaining cash first and you can bet your ass again that I'll be going to a different store. That store was out of my ice cream, anyway. I'm wearing: yellow thermal jammies, of course. It's 5:00am, after all. I'm listening to: the news I'm eating drinking: a bowl of Golden Crisp cereal (crumbs, since I'm not allowed to buy real food) and coffee 5:29 a.m. - 2003-02-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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