ibeachalot's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shitty Weekend Griffin and I are sick. Figures. I knew it was inevitable with Jameson coughing all over us. I feel horrible. My neck is stiff and sore and I have a sore throat. I took some Alka-Setlzer cold tabs last night and at least got a decent night's sleep for a change. Griffin is alternating between fussing and wanting to be held and acting like he doesn't have a care in the world. I hope we're all over this soon, especially before Halloween! I don't want the kids' costumes to go to waste. I hate the time change. Stacey and Becky - you're lucky you don't have to participate in this stupid ritual. It takes me months to get used to the new time, and then it's time to change back. The only advantage is I can put the kids to bed at 6:30pm, if I'm so inclined. This was a rough weekend here at the McCurdy house. Kevin and I fought ike cats and dogs. Last night, we really fought badly, right in front of the kids, too. I hate that. It was a fight we'd had many times before. He falls to pieces when he sees a toy on the floor and screams like the world is coming to an end. I reminded him he does have three kids and an occasional toy on the floor is NO BIG DEAL. Just pick it up and set it aside. Don't fall apart. He found a toy truck and picked it up, screaming, "DID YOU LEAVE THIS HERE?!" (at Evan), then "HOW ABOUT YOU?! DID YOU LEAVE IT HERE?!" (to Jameson) then he even screamed at the baby when the other kids denied leaving the truck on the floor (wouldn't YOU deny it being yelled at like that?) I told him this has got to stop! I can't live like this until April. I also told him this is precisely why I was leaving. He needs help. I realize he's going through a rough time right now, but he's making it worse by constantly letting everything affect him so deeply. Can you imagine how he would react if the kids put a baseball through a window or set the carpet on fire? Kevin claims he gets no respect from any of us. I told him he doesn't command respect. Screaming at the kids for absolutely nothing and treating us all like leaches is no way to gain the respect of those around him. He thinks I "allow the kids to destroy his home" because they have a few toys here and there. And I mean a few, not mounds and mounds of toys scattered around like the houses of everyone else in the world. I run around all day long cleaning things up in case he walks in the door unexpectedly. I'm tired of living this way. We have the cleanest house of anyone I know (with kids) and it still isn't enough for him. Those of you with DHs who sit around and do nothing should feel blessed. I have one who obsessively races through the house and constantly picks things up the second the hit the floor, screaming at whoever happens to be near. Some might think of it as his helping me around the house, but that's not what it is. He does it to make me feel guilty for not doing it sooner. So we fought at the top of our lungs about that and other things in front of the kids. I must be the worst mom in the world. He begrudges me whatever time I spend on the computer. He assumes I sit here all damn day long, leaving the baby in shitty pants and letting the Jameson tear the house to shreds while I sit and chat with a box of Bon-Bons at my side. He doesn't see or appreciate all that I do all day long. And what little time I do spend online is usually on ebay trying to sell off what we have so we can afford to eat. Everytime I get online to conduct ebay business, he mocks it... "Ooooh! Big auction closing! Big Big!! he says sarcastically. He makes me feel two inches tall. He's upset because Matt has become a pussy-whipped, candy-assed wimp. Stephanie runs his life and won't allow him to do or even say a thing for himself. He has to cancel plans with Kevin because Stephanie "has things for him to do". I see Stephanie doing the same thing to him that Debbie (Matt's mom) did to Kevin. It's no wonder Kevin is upset, but as usual, it gets taken out on me and the kids. Kevin is also upset because his life is going to be turned upside down for the third time. (Kevin was married twice before me) I feel for him. I really do, but I have to do what makes me happy. He refuses to get help for his anger and his obsessive behavior, so what choice do I have? 8:20 a.m. - 2002-10-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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